Scary Frog Boots

Yesterday, Mama bought me rainboots. Apparently, she wanted something to keep my feet dry in the rain so I could go splash in puddles or something. I ask you, what fun is splashing in puddles if you are trying to stay DRY? I personally think that shoes are overrated and that I should be allowed to run around barefoot all the time. You know, like if I lived in the jungle with all the animals, I wouldn't need any stupid shoes. They interfere with my climbing anyway. It's much easier to climb on top of the coffee table and dance around in circles if I'm not wearing shoes. 

But I digress. Anyway, Mama bought me these boots -- I guess she thought they were cute or something, but OH MY GOSH THEY ARE THE SCARIEST THINGS EVER. She says they are supposed to be "froggie" boots. I like froggie things. My froggie adventure buddy backpack is the coolest guy ever. But to me, they don't look like froggies. They look like some sort of demented snake monster emerging from the earth to eat me alive. I mean, just LOOK at these things. The eyes look like they alone could suck my soul out of my little body, and that smile...

But instead of listening to me while I tried to express my discomfort at the boots from the most evilest place you can imagine, she tries to put them on, thinking, as she says, that I'm just being "ornery". I am never "ornery". When I am discontented, I simply state my mind. So, she doesn't have the acumen to determine the context of my very distinct types of whines. Excuse me for only having a few hundred word vocabulary in your pedantic language. I'm working on it. 

Anyway, so she puts the boots on and I'm screaming and screaming because I think they are eating me from the foot up, and she takes me outside and tries to demonstrate splashing in a puddle, and then I finally kick one of the boots off, and she tries to put it ON again, and I'm like, MAMA MAMA MAMA, but she just keeps trying to talk to me like I'm being irrational or something until FINALLY she takes the things off and puts on my regular old shoes. I couldn't calm down until Dada hid the evil rubber demons out of sight. And then we went on a rather pleasant walk. WITHOUT the stupid boots.

Then of course, scientists that they are, they later had to test if I was REALLY afraid of the boots. As if all the screaming wasn't proof enough. I was having a nice time, playing with Mama, when Dada comes in holding THE EVIL RUBBER DEMONS! I screamed and ran to Mama, trying my best to get away from those horrible things before they tried to swallow my soul again. I don't understand my parents sometimes. I just hope the image of those horrid snakelike smiles don't haunt me in my sleep...